That’s how many days it has been since my last haircut. No, I don’t have a freakish fear of the salon or an unhealthy emphatuation with my hair. For the last 359 days I have washed, dryed, brushed, curled, straightened, pinned, tucked, twisted and lovingly put up with my long hair. You see, I had a purpose for these long locks. When the time was right, I would whack off my ponytail, seal it in an envelope, and ship it off to become a wig for somebody in need.
I am not a particular fan of long hair, especially when it gets super long. How long is super long?
1. When your ponytail is so heavy it gives you a headache.
2. When you try to turn your head while changing lanes in traffic and your head is jolted because your hair has gotten caught in your armpit. Again.
3. When it interferes with the fastening of your undergarments.
4. When it drags across your plate at a swanky restaurant and picks up a hitchhiking risotto.
5. When you awake in the night because you think someone pulled your hair…only to find out it was you.
So, I think you get the picture. Lots of maintenance and a good bit of grief, but all for a great cause.
I recently got a coupon for a cut and style at a cute little salon in an uber granola community just South of Atlanta. 75% off a hair cut, that’s a good thing… right? Just a little trim, rid the locks of their dead ends and perhaps add a few small layers. Harmless, uh-huh?
Well, if you are a woman, you can probably sense the rising lump in my throat. Having a bad hair experience is some kind of rite of passage. Your Mom might have butchered your bangs in the first grade, you could have had your hair almost fried off with a perm (thank you early 90’s), or your could grow your hair for almost a year and have some scissor-happy wench hack away about seven months of growth!
It wasn’t that the hair cut was bad, she just didn’t listen. Not to mention, I told her I wanted something with volume and she sent me home with one of those I’m-too-cool-to-have-any-poof looks. Geez. I tried to stay positive, but once I got home replayed the whole story to Mr. Blue Eyed Yonder, the tears started to roll. I was just so mad to have spent all that time growing it out only to have it snipped off.
In an attempt to share in my frustration, Mr. BEY said, “Yeah, I mean it looks like you got your hair cut at Great Clips.” Oh poor little man, don’t you know to just nod your head and lend me your ear when I am having a hair moment? As you can imagine, that just made things worse. Seeing that I was even more upset and being frustrated with his inability to ‘make it all better’ he tried to recover by saying, “It’s not that it looks like Great Clips, it just looks like you just woke up and haven’t washed your hair.” Ha! That was an attempt to make things better! I was madder than an old wet hen.
Puppy Dog Tails
Poor guy, I know he was just trying to agree with me and make me feel better. You have to kind of feel sorry for them, women are uberly complex and complicated creatures. I am a woman, and I don’t even understand myself half of the time. It’s funny, I do want his honest opinion, but when he gives it to me I then decide that I didn’t want it in the first place. Ha! He deserves a bit of a reprieve for those comments. I am pretty sure he was acting in a moment of desperation. Who would want to see their wife cry over a hair cut. I am pretty sure Shakespeare himself could not have crafted words to make me feel better in that moment. It was just something I had to work through on my own.
I’m over the crying. Don’t get me wrong, I am still mad about all the hair she whacked off, but it will grow back. And don’t worry, me and Mr. Blue Eyed Yonder made up over a double waffle at the Waffle House. Nothing like syrup and butter to smooth things over.
So tell me, do you have any hair disasters or funny “men” stories? I know you’ve got ’em, let me hear ’em sisters!
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